stardust · wanderlust

in some ways, things have changed dramatically over the course of just a few days.
in other ways, nothing has really changed at all.

it is interesting that change is often accompanied by painful experiences.
growing pains, perhaps?

all in all, i like change.

i've never been one to take much comfort in routine.
routine definitely has it's pros, but i personally find routine to be tiring and wearing - something about it wears me down from the inside to the point where i feel like i'm silently dying, little by little. perhaps because it's stifling, and doesn't allow one the room to breathe, to change, or to grow.

it's interesting to note the routines and subroutines that permeate our very existence.
routine, in some form or another, is inescapable.
each morning the sun rises.
each evening the sun sets.
each day we wake, eat, crap, and sleep. repeat.

each year the seasons change. spring, summer, fall, winter. repeat.

each year we have the same holidays. birthdays. christmas. new year. repeat.

nothing changes, yet everything does.
never and always.

life is full of contradictory dichotomies.
what an interesting enigma.

Do you believe in an after life? Or do you believe that we also die when our physical body dies?

For a long while I was a firm believer that we are nothing more than atoms and cells and organs and electrical impulses; that the soul was a joke and a mere delusion, and people came up with the concept of Heaven and/or an afterlife in order to comfort themselves with the fact that they were nothing more then... well, stardust.

However, for the past little while, I've been re-examining that view point. I think it's possible that there's more than meets the eye. That we do have a 'soul', so to speak. An energy. Einstein said Energy/matter cannot be created nor destroyed. Where would our life-energy go once our physical body dies, if it cannot be destroyed? Just like a 3rd dimension would seem ridiculous to a flatlander living in a two dimensional world, it seems to make sense that so many scoff at the idea that there is more than meets the eye - just that our eyes aren't made to see things outside of our 3-dimensional existence. ... I mean, it's possible. Isn't it? I don't think we've uncovered all the secrets and mysteries of the universe, life, and everything as of yet.

I'd love to hear your opinion on this subject. What do you believe?

Well, to be honest, I wasn't entirely efficient today.
Although I DID accomplish something that I had procrastinated on doing for a number of weeks, and I specifically attended to it today due to my being on this challenge, so that's saying something.

I find having chosen this particular challenge puts me in a certain mind-set; a mindfulness about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.
It's really quite interesting and an eye-opener.

For example, it seems I'll often put off doing something even if that something is relatively painless and simple.  Why?  Well, I've been trying to figure that out.  Sometimes I think I'm afraid of success, as stupid as that sounds.  Because it would bring me a step closer to putting me in a position where success would be more easily obtainable...  and I seem to resist that!?  That kind of behaviour seems stupid in a way, because why would I, or anyone for that matter, resist success?  Is it due to a fear of change and my life as i know it?  Possibly.  Fear and resistance is a common reaction to the unknown.  We often choose comfort over change, and although my present situation certainly isn't ideal, I am none the less quite happy and comfortable with it.

I can tell this challenge is going to be quite integral for transforming myself and my state of mind.
I honestly believe that by the end of this challenge, I'll be a lot closer to being on a path to 'success'.
And although success is a relative term, I know what it means to me, and that's really what counts here.

:)

One further note...  on procrastination and sleep:

It seems I often put off going to bed, even if I seem a bit tired.  (although i did drink green tea tonight, which is partly why I am up at this odd hour - because I haven't even been to bed yet!)

Some people say they do their best work late at night...  and I would have said I am one of those types of people, yet when I think about it, I'm not really sure if I am.  When up late, I usually give myself the excuse "Well it's late, no use starting anything now.  Just do it in the morning or when you get up".  And with those thoughts in mind, I have thus given myself the excuse to not really do anything productive and just waste hours on the internet - surfing, feeding my facebook addiction, chatting, playing a solitaire game of Mahjongg - whatever.  Hell, if I was at least reading a play or a book that would be something.  But more often than not, I am literally wasting time; it's like watching TV - sure, maybe you were mildly entertained, but was your mind challenged?  Did you experience or come away with something - anything - profound?  Something to ponder about?  Something that has changed the way you think?  Were you inspired?  Did you make any progress on a project?  Did you learn anything new?

If the answer is no to ALL of these questions, then that pretty much means you spent your time on something of no value, which, in other words, could translate to wasted time.  If you can find a way to say 'yes' to at least one of these questions, then depending on the question, it may have been a very valuable way to spend your time.  Or not - it all depends on the specifics.  If the answer is 'yes' to at least one of these questions, you could also ask yourself if there might have been a more efficient way of going about achieving the same result.

Day 2 is a new Day.  Most of the day will be spent with my sister, which is certainly not a waste, because I rarely see her.  And even though I won't get much of an opportunity to work on items of my 'To Do' list, I will get to share needed time with her, and that certainly has value.

I successfully completed March's 30-day hot yoga challenge by going to 30 hot yoga classes over the course of 30 days.  Score!  :)
I still intend to go to hot yoga several times a week... I'd like to go to at least 3 classes per week, maybe more.  Although, I am going to be a lot busier in April than I was in March due to my upcoming Green Kids gig that starts next week.

I'm still trying to decide on my challenge for April.  As April only has 30 days, it means I should decided ASAP because I'll have to work on it today!

When I was at hot yoga yesterday, I usually take a look at these inspiration or wisdom cards - they're just these little cards that have a word on them, and you can contemplate or meditate on that word and what it means for you.  Anyhow, I drew two of these cards, and one was 'yielding' and the other 'aspiration'.  I think my challenge should be aimed at yielding a product, or result, and that such a product or result should either invoke or evoke aspiration. 

That being the case, it's a struggle to choose:  work on a play, everyday, or work on my business everyday?  Another thought I had was to work on preparing for auditions, everyday (it is the start of audition season, after all).

I'm going to think about it just a little more, and then I'll add my decision here...

EDIT:
Ok.  I've been giving things a lot of thought, and it's been hard for me to choose a challenge for April because there's just so much I'd like to accomplish!  Because of this, I think I will devote April to making the most use of my time; to be conscious of how I spend my time, and to make the absolute most of it.  That's not to say I can never relax and enjoy myself or socialize - by no means.  But, when I do so, I will make the most of it, and I will do so consciously.

I waste a lot of time everyday.  It's a bad habit I've gotten myself into, I suppose.  This way, I hope to obliterate this bad habit of mine, by making the most of my time, and in turn increasing my productivity and just getting a lot more out of life! :)

I'm going to call this challenge my 30-day Efficiency Challenge, since I guess being effecient is all about making the best use of your time.  :D

I better get moving!

So I have one last day left in my 30 day hot yoga challenge!
It's been pretty awesome.  My posture has improved tremendously, as has my awareness about my body and my spine, my hips have slimmed down a lot, I'm a lot stronger and a lot more flexible too.  Oh, and not to mention how hot yoga makes my skin look and feel pretty awesome too!

With April just a day away, I'd like to think up of a new 30-day challenge for myself to accomplish during April.
I know at some point in April I will be away for part of a week in Saskatchewan, touring with Green Kids, so whatever my challenge, it would have to be something that I can keep or accomplish while away.

Here are some challenges I would like to do at some point:

- Write every day (I can set a minimum amount of time, or a minimum number of pages to be written)
- Read every day (again, for a minimum amount of time, or a minimum number of pages to be read)
- Wake up early every day (potentially at 5am, and maybe 7am on weekends?)
- Keep my room and home spotless and immaculate
- Limit my time on the internet/facebook for a pre-determined time amount (max of 1 hour a day, perhaps?)
- Practice singing every day
- Practice music (playing and composing) everyday
- Focus on developing my business everyday (i.e. set aside a certain amount of time for that, every day)
- Practice juggling every day or other skills I would like to have or develop

Hmmm.  I'm going to have to give it some thought.  I suppose I have a day to think about it.

yep!  just 4 more days!

i don't have too much to report on my progress.
i'm still progressing a little by little in some postures.  it's hard to tell when you go every day.

my left leg is still a bit messed up from the injury that happened nearly 2 weeks ago now.
i can't squat / lower myself down without pain and stiffness in the quad area above my left knee.  i have to support myself down vs. just sqautting down without supporting myself somehow.  that's pretty annoying as i haven't  been able to work on a couple postures due to it.  also, my left ankle is slightly buggered up.  i twisted it earlier this week (not at yoga), and i can tell it's weak and fragile.  i keep worrying about spraining it when walking about outside in the snow and on the slippery ice.  i've had a lot of close-calls but thankfully nothing has happened yet (knock on wood).  once my challenge is over, maybe i should give it a rest for a little bit (i guess?) so that i can heal properly?  or for all i know yoga actually helps with the healing - i'm not sure.

i'm really quite enjoying this increase in my physical activity and have thought about how i might enjoy it if i joined some kind of team sport.  which sport, i don't really know.  i loved volley-ball when i was in junior high school.  or maybe i should take up running/jogging and have the goal of running a marathon.  actually, that sounds like a lovely idea - i'd love to run in a marathon some day. 

unfortunately my bum hasn't become the deliciously sexy bum i've dreamed of having.  lol.  i mean, i have a cute bum, don't get me wrong.  but i would like to have it look great naked.  i'm quite sure my bum and hips have slimmed down in size but i need to find ways to tone my body more.  i don't know if many people have the same issues or not, but - i seem to have a lot of "flabby" skin that i wish would tighten up.  i don't know what would be the best way to tighten and tone.  i don't really want to bulk up with lots of muscle, although who knows - maybe that's what i need to do.

speaking of muscle i think i've actually gained weight due to increase in muscle mass.  my clothes are fitting me pretty much the same as before so i don't suspect i've gained fat-mass.  or maybe i'm just retaining water - who knows.  going by numbers on a scale is kind of stupid since it doesn't necessarily tell you what exactly is going on in or to your body other than the effect gravity has it.

i really love going to hot yoga.  i've definitely a new appreciation for it.  there isn't a posture i don't love in some way or another (although a couple i am weary of right now since my leg injury on sunday).

what's amazing is that i seem to have become so accustomed to the heat.
in today's class, there were a couple new people there.  i think the instructor turned down the heat a little for them.  the fans seemed to be blowing cool air at some point, or maybe i'm just so acclimatised to the heat that it felt cool?  i'm not sure, but i know the new people were just blown away by the heat.  i love the heat!  i love it when the sweat is just pouring off of me!  and sure, i may be sweating profusely, but the sweat keeps me cool and i actually am quite comfortable in the heat.

i would absolutely love it if i could continue to incorporate daily hot yoga in my life after my challenge is over.
one of the insturctors at the studio says she does it six days a week and rests for one day.  i could totally picture myself doing that.
the only "downside" is that it is so very time consuming.  and costly, but not *really* - i just don't have much money to spare at this point.
we'll see how things go in April...

but in the meantime, i still have 11 more days left in my challenge! :)

i mentioned to today's yoga instructor that i might be a bit slow or not able to go as far as i usually do in certain postures due to my leg injury from sunday; she probably didn't need to know, but i thought it good to mention just in case something bad happens or if i accidentally worsen my injury. 

anyway, she said she knows i'm usually one of the 'hardcore' ones, so no problem. 
me!  hardcore!  i thought it was pretty cool to be put in that category! :D

speaking of hardcore hot yogis, super-bendy-perfect-yogi was in the same class i went to, today.  i heard some girls in the change room after class talking to each other.  apparently they think it's a little intimidating practicing hot yoga right beside her.  (i think that's what they said)  intimidating?  i suppose that means they feel timid or shy in comparison to her skills?  hmm.  me?  i feel inspired.

i surprise myself at my progress at a couple poses.  i remember once upon a time thinking i'd never be able to progress beyond a certain point in a posture.  but, lo and behold, i have!  that tells me that i can progress even further as long as i keep up at it!

oh, and in an effort to eat naturally and cut out sugar from my diet, i attempted to sweeten my tea with blended dates!  and guess what - it worked and is awesome!!! :D

yay.